one last lie if i allowed to tell u is
"im happy"
so u dont have to wory much
let dry your tears because it shred my heart to pieces
help me with your smile because i'm stupid
and because i'm selfish
i regret unable to hold u much
i'm sory unable to make you smile anymore
i sorry sometimes i make u cry
i'm thakful for many wonder that u give me
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
almost end 2012...MY LIFE SO LOL
In 2011 i face big wall that almost make my mind n spirit cripple....but life go on n im still here on earth...
in 1 year i had suicidal thought but this life is not mine to be thrown away but a loan from god n debt from my parent...
from close n narrow world of teenager i go took a peak at so call adult world... and it make your world more open a bit. Some bad people who harass others and have ill mouth also hypocrite that u thought that only happen in the movie they do exist in the real life. Mayb because i'm naive n a little bit nerd it shock me to see the situation that happen in front of me.
Me untrained natural ninja...
people almost not notice me when they talk n act because i always keep quite n not good at social with others which give me natural n harmless state, but i like the fact that like ninja i gain information n knowledge about what happen in my surrounding via my observation n stealth.Sometimes they even ask how i know about what come out from their own mouth !.. hahha funny
HUMAN NATURE..
This make me think that human nature can be ugly. I admit that i dont have angle attitude n pure white heart but at least i try not to harm others in anyways that can affect their life n i try not to think negative and bad mouth others.
Do you notice this...
when u hate and despise someone so much even see their face make u feel disgust , your heart can feel so heavy like there is 1000KG sumo wrestler in your heart, and as some saying mind can affect the body tour breathing become hard hence your emotion easily sway. But does that person feel the same pain ?, did they share the same mental n body fatigue ??. Dam no!! they dont feel a shit n propably dont even care if they notice about what you feel due to your hate n dislike.
feel my Anger and scream about my Revenge...
this sound like shit but as i mention i try not to bring harm to others in any ways possible because 1 great women which is my mum had teach me this one day. she said " if you don't like how it feel being hurt and unreasonably criticize don't do to others because life mistake can come any moment to haunt you back. Try your best to forgives n someday others will also present u with a forgiveness as well ". Sometimes i think that strong women is the reason why i think people with ugly and contaminated heart mostly exist only in movie and drama.
Forgiveness and Calm state of Mind
this topic can be extremely hard for people who faces hard core case like rape murder and swindle. And some people will say " i cant even think about this, to ,much harm had been done!". As i mention when u hate someone to the core u will burden yourself and you receive unnecessary damage to the mind and body.
Partial way to escape from this is with blank state.. which when u try not to think about it and divert to think about others thing. when people not think n remember to much about 1 thing in mind they have the tendency to forget . hence blank your mind and temporary escape. after that try to think again after you calm down and can think rasionally. The problem with most people is that they most likely overthink and regretting thing in the past with out any solution and action. this only tired the mind and depression. try yo calm down first and only overthink if u will comeback with action and solution. to forgive some1 can take months and even years but when you truly able to forgive you will feel many sharp neadle had been release from stabing your heart and the 1000Kg sumo guy had left to sit others people heart who cant handle the life's obstacle and wont move on.
i think this good enough to cover for 1 whole year of hibernation.... i will try to write more about my thought and opinion which even my cat not even mind about this stupid thing, since most people only try to search self satisfaction n approval.
in 1 year i had suicidal thought but this life is not mine to be thrown away but a loan from god n debt from my parent...
from close n narrow world of teenager i go took a peak at so call adult world... and it make your world more open a bit. Some bad people who harass others and have ill mouth also hypocrite that u thought that only happen in the movie they do exist in the real life. Mayb because i'm naive n a little bit nerd it shock me to see the situation that happen in front of me.
Me untrained natural ninja...
people almost not notice me when they talk n act because i always keep quite n not good at social with others which give me natural n harmless state, but i like the fact that like ninja i gain information n knowledge about what happen in my surrounding via my observation n stealth.Sometimes they even ask how i know about what come out from their own mouth !.. hahha funnyHUMAN NATURE..
This make me think that human nature can be ugly. I admit that i dont have angle attitude n pure white heart but at least i try not to harm others in anyways that can affect their life n i try not to think negative and bad mouth others.
Do you notice this...
when u hate and despise someone so much even see their face make u feel disgust , your heart can feel so heavy like there is 1000KG sumo wrestler in your heart, and as some saying mind can affect the body tour breathing become hard hence your emotion easily sway. But does that person feel the same pain ?, did they share the same mental n body fatigue ??. Dam no!! they dont feel a shit n propably dont even care if they notice about what you feel due to your hate n dislike.
feel my Anger and scream about my Revenge...this sound like shit but as i mention i try not to bring harm to others in any ways possible because 1 great women which is my mum had teach me this one day. she said " if you don't like how it feel being hurt and unreasonably criticize don't do to others because life mistake can come any moment to haunt you back. Try your best to forgives n someday others will also present u with a forgiveness as well ". Sometimes i think that strong women is the reason why i think people with ugly and contaminated heart mostly exist only in movie and drama.
Forgiveness and Calm state of Mind
Partial way to escape from this is with blank state.. which when u try not to think about it and divert to think about others thing. when people not think n remember to much about 1 thing in mind they have the tendency to forget . hence blank your mind and temporary escape. after that try to think again after you calm down and can think rasionally. The problem with most people is that they most likely overthink and regretting thing in the past with out any solution and action. this only tired the mind and depression. try yo calm down first and only overthink if u will comeback with action and solution. to forgive some1 can take months and even years but when you truly able to forgive you will feel many sharp neadle had been release from stabing your heart and the 1000Kg sumo guy had left to sit others people heart who cant handle the life's obstacle and wont move on.
i think this good enough to cover for 1 whole year of hibernation.... i will try to write more about my thought and opinion which even my cat not even mind about this stupid thing, since most people only try to search self satisfaction n approval.
Monday, April 18, 2011
suicidal thought
what happen if i'm not around.....
if i vanish will d worl change a bit
will i be miss
will you remember me
can you forgive me
how hard the to live the life only to found that many dont appriciate the true value and gift of life.... the one that know the value only the dying one... rather than want to throw your life away without price you better trade it for good. people who know how to use it wisely
if i vanish will d worl change a bit
will i be miss
will you remember me
can you forgive me
how hard the to live the life only to found that many dont appriciate the true value and gift of life.... the one that know the value only the dying one... rather than want to throw your life away without price you better trade it for good. people who know how to use it wisely
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
lets start with who am i....
do i care any1 read any of my entry or not??
Hell no...
do i listen to any1 opinion??
yes...i guest
i'm just one of billion homosapien on earth that feel that i need to type something n let my thought run free sometimes...and yes my most favourite word i life is a big bad joke,u need to keep smilling n try to laugh to enjoyed it(hopefully)
Hell no...
do i listen to any1 opinion??
yes...i guest
i'm just one of billion homosapien on earth that feel that i need to type something n let my thought run free sometimes...and yes my most favourite word i life is a big bad joke,u need to keep smilling n try to laugh to enjoyed it(hopefully)
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